Pacesetting
Spiritually, you only have to be one step ahead to lead your son.
As grace and gospel truth invades our hearts, we are compelled to live humbled and transformed lives. In chapter 7 and verse 10 of Ezra we are told that Ezra prepared his heart to seek God’s truth, then he obeyed it, and then he taught it to others. This is our job as a father; to be seeking God consistently, submitting to His authority, and then teaching our family to do the same. This is pacesetting.
What and When do I teach them?
Order
As a general rule for age appropriate engagement. Between the ages of 0-7, meet their basic needs with love and tenderness, and teach them the importance of first time obedience. Have hundreds of conversations about God in concrete ways, unless their questions take you into more abstract concepts. Between the ages of 8-12, focus on training them in the disciplines of following God, namely through reading, praying, memorizing, meditating and applying God’s word. Help them understand a Christian worldview in contrast to a secular one. Between the ages of 13-18, allow them to take responsibility for all they have learned thus far even if that means occasional non-catastrophic failure. Instead of telling them what or what not to do, start engaging in non-judgmental conversations and encourage them to utilize what they already know from previous training, how to navigate their world and make decisions based on a Christian worldview.
Many fathers get this backward. Instead of being a father, they are their son’s friend and neglect the obedience issue. By the time they figure out their error, they are often trying to play catch up, and ultimately force feed training principles at an age they should be having meaningful conversations about the complexities of life.
Model the Disciplines
There is no substitute for a father who is a man after God’s own heart, and who lives it out daily in his household. Reading the word consistently, sharing what the Lord has shown him to his family, adoring, confessing, thanking and imploring God through prayer, hiding His word in his heart, and doing what God has commanded, brings the Truth to life for himself and his family. For some basic starting points on reading the word, praying and memorizing scripture, scroll down (Read It, Pray It, Hide It)
Teach a Christian Worldview
Most kids have their worldview in place by the time they are 13 years old. This doesn’t mean their worldview will be based on Christian principles. For this reason, as early as possible, help them understand things pertaining to”
Who is God – Who I am and why am I here – Who is my neighbor – How can I take action
Lead with Grace
Fathers are older and more experienced versions of their sons, but no less prone to temptation and sin. It is important to show your son his heart, to affirm the universal need for God’s abounding grace, and to work alongside him on rescue journey for his soul and a path of discovery of the joy of putting God first for a lifetime.
Keep Conversation Going
A boy eventually shifts away from “taking your word for it” to trying to figure life out on his own (typically around 12-13 years old). This is an exciting change that often brings with it considerable awkwardness, both between what the boy is experiencing internally and externally and how the father is forced to engage with his son in a different way. In this time of a boy’s life, “telling” is less tolerated, and instead discussing life and walking alongside, even when the boy makes mistakes, allows him to take an active role in piecing together life and making more independent decisions. Walk with your son through the big questions. Lead him in a positive direction, and keep conversations going by remaining candid and suspending judgment. Set your son up to take on the responsibility of thinking and making decisions independently by consistently modeling your walk with God, teaching him a Christian worldview, and leading him with grace.
For more information about key formative questions to discuss with your son:
